About

So this is a blog where I'll talk about my experiences and thoughts of a philosophical and perhaps so called 'spiritual' nature.

I've decided not to hide anything of myself here though, I won't pretend to be holy, or enlightened, far from it. For example I even run an erotic blog, so there is a part of me that is still very much held back by base desires and urges, regardless of any claims I might try to make in my defense, of 'hopeless romanticism' or taste for the sweet and sensual over rough and primal.

But there is also a part of me that strives to find something more, to find an inner peace; a sense of purpose; and ultimately, to become content with myself, the way I am. I want to find myself I suppose.

Don't be scared off, I'm not a religious fanatic. I believe in freedom of thought and belief. So long as your words and actions harm none, then you are free to think what you like. I won't press my beliefs (what little there still are) on you, and I ask you not to press yours on me.

I find religion/belief interesting, but I hate negative views of other religions. Hate is a strong word, I know, but I really do hate to hear people speak disparagingly of others beliefs, with fear of the unknown. We can be so closed minded, so black and white about these things! It's stupid because, look past the details, and so many religions seem to share common base values and ideas. Who's to say that one person's god is not his neighbors god? Simply with another name, a different story? But I stray into dangerous territory! ;D

So anyway, I don't have any particular belief myself, at least, nothing concrete anymore. I have thoughts about existence, things that I hope, but I'm unsure, frustrated, maybe a little lost. But perhaps that's alright? Perhaps that's what one's 'spiritual life' should be, a search to experience the truths oneself, not simply believe it because one's parents and elders told us so. Perhaps we should find what resonates with us? Experience whatever it is that's out there, creating and guiding life, for ourselves? I'm not saying throw away what you've been told, but look at it, understand it. To question something is not to say it isn't true, or disrespect it, but to honor it by seeking greater understanding.

I grew up as a Christian of non-specific denominations as far as I could tell. My parents had differing beliefs, so I suppose so as to prevent more rift between them, within the family, than necessary we discussed religion very little.

But still I held myself as a Christian, even if the details were uncertain. There was god, and you put your hands together when you prayed.

When I was five, I went to a strict Christian school for a year, and I was fiercely unhappy. Then my parents pulled me out and home-schooled me. Which suited me much better. But that's perhaps irrelevant.

What isn't irrelevant is that at some point I realized I really didn't know what I believed anymore. And events in my late teens (involving a girl of course) shook my belief well and truly.

And so I have floated for a long time, wanting to believe, in something, anything, but unable to trust or make sense of any of the things I once thought I knew.

So this is my journey, my search for what it means to be alive, my 'discovery of self'.

I will post thoughts and quotes I like and think are of some merit, and I'll likely post my artwork and meditation/relaxation music I make. All those kinds of things.

I don't intend to tell you what is true, or sway your thinking in anyway, but rather give you things to think about, sharing my ideas and the things I find helpful. So I hope you get something out of what I share. Even if it's a sense of outrage and a renewed strength of faith in what you already believe ;D

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